Oh My Gosh, I found the answer!?

Perhaps its the travelling, nope, I don't mean the fatique. Just the whole process of travelling. It always brings out alot of emotions in me. In my younger days, I travelled to get over relationships, to figure out how I should proceed with my life; playing and re-playing the lyrics, "Where do I go from here....".

Anyway, this time round, I woke up in Shenzhen one morning and guess what I felt? I felt that its GREAT to be a civil servant! No Kidding. These words were my exact thoughts. And to top it all, I felt that I am just the right person to be a civil servant! Oh my gosh. What came over me? Did I wake up on the wrong side of the bed!? haha.

Unlike many of the children I watched on TV, I never really thought of what I want to be when I grow up. I hate the "My Ambition is..." kind of essays. For goodness sake, how the hell would a child know the essence of the word 'Ambition". So you see, very often, kids would want to be a teacher or even a father or a mother. Why? Because these are the characters they are familiar with. They don't know any better.

Anyway, back to me. I never quite figure out what I want to be when I grow up. All I know is I wanted to do something that would 'affect' the 'masses' in a positive way. That is say, I wanted a job that would 1) bring good to people and 2) lots of people. For a while, I thought social service is the answer but deep down, I just felt that was not it.

I thought I stumbled into TV but on hindsight, I did not stumble into it. It was the job that I always wanted. As a Current Affairs Producer, I scripted, directed and produced stories that affected and served to educate lots of people. Even then, it was not all smooth sailing at first. I was tasked to produce for Money Mind, a business and financial programme. I knew somehow it was just not me. I was miserable. I didn't know why. I should have listen to my heart - bring good to people and lots of people. With Money Mind, I 'brought' good to only the selected people. I was 'helping' the rich get richer if you may say. Is that what I seek? Nope. Subseqently, I did find my way. I found fulfilment in producing Code Red, Talking Point, elections coverage, social documentaries etc etc.

As a producer with Television Corporation of Singapore then, I was a civil servant.

A short stint meddling with marketing communications in a SIN bank thereafter proved once again that I have to listen to my heart. Some things wouldn't change. Some basic instincts just wouldn't.

I read about the Chinatown project in the papers. And most definitely I did not stumble onto the Singapore Tourism Board. It was again something I wanted to do. 'Bring good to people' - I speak Cantonese, I love Chinatown; its history, the culture. I speak good English. In other words, I can be the bridge between the unglam Cheena Chinatown folks and your regular English speaking 'government' people. I will understand the masses and yet have the ability to translate what they need and what they want to the 'government', the 'atas' architects, the 'glam' designers etc etc. This task will affect 'Lots of people' - the Chinatown folks, generations to come.

The empty taxi queue at the then World Trade Centre when the cruise business was down, the quiet hotels and malls during SARS; these scenarios affected me. They made me realise that my job is damn important. I think of myself as but a small fly, fry, whichever. When I go on education fairs in the last few years, I even thought of myself as a prostitute. You would if you have gone on fairs after fairs in India, Indonesia, Vietnam, Thailand, Moscow etc etc. You stand with your legs 'opened' at the booth, you try to look your best, you smile, you persuade, you explain. People come, people go. You can't choose who you want to serve. You reach a 'high' when the people you speak get what they want from you. I can go on but need I say more? But with all that, I go back fulfilled. I think of the possibility that my small contribution has resulted in an extra customer for a Citicab Uncle. That a hotel chambermaid Auntie has another room to clean.

I searched for years looking for meaning in life. Meaning in what I do. Perhaps I have always found it but I never realised it? Its in civil service that I found meaning. Oh my gosh, what did I just say? Me the 'to hell with it', 'I don't give a shit' person, Me the 'whats with all the paper work', Me the 'Rules are meant to be broken' gal....did I just say what I just said?

:-p

6 cities in 2 weeks....

At its best, I felt I am Andy Lau or Anita Mui (oops, she's dead) ok ok Karen Mok on a multi-city concert tour. At its worst, I felt as if I am with the circus.. The last 2 weeks saw me in Xian, Shanghai, Xiamen, Fuzhou, Shenzhen and soon, Guangzhou. Its my first trip to Xiamen, Fuzhou and Shenzhen and I must say, Xiamen is pleasant. By the coast, its pretty close to where my grandparents came from. The palm trees, the shady walkways, the coastline, the sea; reminds me of home. U know what, I think I can live here. In Fuzhou, I ate the biggest fishball I have ever seen. Its HUGE but hmmm, so delicious. And I must say I like Shenzhen. Boy, all the bad publicity about Shenzhen must be untrue. Its so pleasant, exciting and at least there are clothes, shoes etc that are 'buyable'. :-) I feel at home in the south. Probably coz most of the Singaporean Chinese are from Fujian/Guangdong area. Its the same when I went to Chennai. I felt at home although me not Indian. But hey, the ancestors of my Indian friends came from the Madras so there you go.

Back to Beijing and then off to Dalian for work and then stay on over the weekend. Can't wait.

Cheers.